well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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