jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
