So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
