Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
