I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
