It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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