There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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