I accidentally had phone sex last night
Four minutes until I can fart!
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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