This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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