??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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