No stitches, just platelets and will power
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
