I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
