I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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