so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
