girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
