Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
