The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
Randomize
