Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I am available for nakedness
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
