Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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