oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
she peed on how many people?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
