i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Randomize
