I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
