The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
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