How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
do herpes really smell.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I FOUND THE LEGS
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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