Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
