I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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