they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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