I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
