im drinking this country out of the recession.
No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
