i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
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