I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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