Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
