My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
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