before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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