my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
