What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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