'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
