i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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