party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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