I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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