I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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