it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
he thought i was a dude.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
