Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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