I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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