Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
