i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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