she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
