brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
