plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
