you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
