I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
