So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
