You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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