We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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