I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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