yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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