Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
you made out with another girl for some wings
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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