I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
