U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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