Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
