I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize