I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
