oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
