Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I'm too high and old for this...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
