nut hugger
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
