one might say we're banned from that church
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
