My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
